Next week I will be talking to people outside of  the nursing profession about developing their self compassion skills.  I am aware that they may not have ever thought about it despite being in a caring profession such as teaching of the police force.  They may think that they do not have time for self compassion in their busy professional lives, that they are being selfish if they think about themsleves too much or they need to spend their time caring for others like their family or pets.  It is good that people are so caring but if they do not care for themselves they will eventually be unable to care for anyone else.  This is now being recognised more in carers who without good health, could not carry out their demanding caring role that saves the NHS millions of pounds every year. Everyone suffers when we do not care for ourselves and we may even start to forget to do things, or do things in a rush just to get through the day. If you notice yourself in any of these scenarios you need to stop right now.

Neff (2011)  in his book Self Compassion  says it is important for us to be able to recognise our own suffering, and whether we are expecting too much of oursleves. If we cannot do this then our own health is at risk and the health of the people we work with is also at risk. Consider the old man quietly sitting in the chair, is he suffering? How do we know? We cannot asume that we know this without spending some time with him listening compassionately to his needs. These are the basic observation skills of all nurses and can mean the difference between life or death. We will ask our old man questions related to my three areas of compassionate practice and we can then explore the  5 Rs of resilience within each one.

What are your goals and how do my goals fit (universality) with yours ?  5 R’s  – Rest, Reflection, Replenishment, Respiration, Relaxation

Example – The old man might say he is very tired as he is not sleeping and cannot be bothered to eat anything – this will lead us into more questions about his self care

Self care check – you offer to spend some more time talking about this when you are less busy later in the day.

What are your diverse needs and who can help you to meet them?  5 R’s  – Rest, Reflection, Replenishment, Respiration, Relaxation

Example –  the old man might say he has trouble breathing when walking and needs a walking frame so he can get about

Self care check  – you might  say you do not have the skills to help him but you can ask someone else with the skills to help him

How can I help you to recover the skills to reach your goals?  5 R’s  – Rest  Reflection, Replenishment, Respiration, Relaxation

Example – the old man might say he enjoys gardening to relax and keeping a (reflective) diary of his daily activites  but needs the energy to do it.

Self care check – you might offer to plan some time each day with him when you or another person can help him

Note you are not offering to do these things for him but you are offering to help him, either yourself if you have the skills and time or if not ask someone else.  Self compassion helps us to see our own strengths and needs (using the 5 Rs) so that we can help other people more.

The 5 Rs help us to maintain a healthy (resilient) life so we can devlop the skills of recovery to meet our needs.  We can also help others to do this by using the frame work above. If we fail to notice when someone is suffering we could be held accountable for neglect which if unaddressed, could lead to  tragic and/or fatal consequences for ourselves and others.  Self compassion is therefore a skill that if developed well can save your life and the life of others.